John Terry - Transvestite

Last year Chelsea captain John Terry was outed as a dickless transvestite by the British media, but this week the John Terry closet full of rotten skeletons took a turn for the worse. It appears that Terry does actually have a cock, but unfortunately he lost the manual when he obtained it, with emphasis on the “man” part of that word. With the recent not-at-all-surprising news that Chelsea’s John Terry is even more of a snide scumbag weasel than we already knew he was, come further disgusting details. This week, despite trying to place a gag order on the media, Terry was exposed as a two-faced fucking wanker who shags his mates’ birds, gets them pregnant then pays for a sly abortion. At least that’s what he did to his supposed “best mate” Wayne Bridge, after Bridge was trusting enough to turn his back on tartbag Terry for two seconds. But a larger question looms: with all this dirty shagging he’s been doing without heed of his own family’s wellbeing, has John Terry fathered even more children with famous footballers’ WAGs?

Come to that, is John Terry your dad?? Terry claims to be 29 years old, but one glance at him quickly reveals the look of a man at least twice that age, who spends most of his time leaning against the grimy wallpaper of shithole London pubs while planning to fuck his teammates’ wives and girlfriends, the ugly cunt!

We decided to do our own investigation into how many other footballers’ WAGs Terry has fathered children with, and we were shocked by what we found. After trailing these celebs around like a hungry pack of slavering weirdoes, we present the following evidence for further infidelity on the part of the scruffy, strange-haired dickhead who took the Ray “I’m a pisshead” Parlour look all too far.

Handsome dad...rancid sons.

1. Becks. After seeing this photograph of David Beckham with his three sons, Brooklyn, Shergar and Blobby, we came to the inescapable conclusion that scumbag John Terry has undoubtedly been banging Posh’s fanny till it’s red raw. How Becks cannot see this every time he looks at his hideous brood we have no idea. After all, one of the most handsome athletes on the planet couldn’t possibly father three lads with such hateful rancid features as this terrible trio. Only one piece of crap is capable of that, and you know who we’re talking about.

Stop teasing the monkey, Thierry!

2. Thierry Henry. The French cheat enjoys a reputation almost as pristine as Terry himself, but not quite. Perhaps if he was to spend more time taters deep up the shitbox of Iniesta’s missus on his days off he too would be put forth as a shining example of an upstanding citizen of his country…wait, Henry’s French, we forgot; they got there years ago. Anyway, this pic of Henry and his lovely wife Nicole Merry walking off the Nou Camp pitch with their “daughter” Téa, clearly shows that something is up, namely Terry’s knob making Nicole very merry. The poor child has to go through life looking like a demented monkey as a result of her being fathered by the Chelsea dirtbag. No wonder the toy monkey Henry is holding before her is making her so upset; she thinks he’s taking the piss! Again, wake up Mr. Henry, there’s some John Terry twatting to be done!

The oldest ginger swinger in town...he's 8!

3. Paul Scholes. The Ginger Prince hardman of the Old Trafford centre-circle is going to go fucking bananas when he finds out why his son looks 80 years old despite being just 8, and is such an ugly cunt into the bargain…that’s right, Scholes’ kid is another of Terry’s hideous progeny – and with ginger hair to boot! Christ, this is getting out of hand…When Scholesy works this out there’s gonna be a bloodbath. Hopefully he’ll kill the lobotomy-looking cunt, the world can once more sleep in the knowledge its women are safe, and Terry’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest hairstyle (and life philosophy) will be no more.

Enough to make an ogre cry. Ugly bastard John Terry.

4. Wayne Rooney. Wayne and his wife Colleen had baby Kai in 2009, and the world was shocked when little Kai was born minus those famous trumpet-shaped ogre ears. Nobody could understand how, despite apparently not picking up any of those Shrek genes, the kid still managed to be the ugliest child born north of the English Channel. One glimpse of the baby’s face though, and the truth becomes evident; he’s another Terry clone, a particularly ugly little twat who’ll no doubt be bumming his friends’ birds by the time he’s in double-figures.

This little fucker don't look right...

5. Carlos Tevez. Tevez, the apelike United reject who now scuttles about Eastlands pretending to be happy with his lot in life couldn’t be worse off if he tried. Not only does he play for the most deluded “massive club” in world football, he is a cuckold to that roving tatty-headed spunk bubble called John Terry. Here we see the diminutive Argie wheeling what appears to be an unwashed chimp in a pushchair. That “chimp” is, unfortunately Tevez’s child, or more accurately the rotten fruit from the loins of England’s most disgraceful captain in all history. Go get the weasel Carlito, give him a taste of justice, Fuerte Apache-style!

So that’s it, folks. There are more secrets on the way, so stay tuned. The Terry turnout hasn’t stopped yet, and we plan to expose more of these freaks for your titillation over the next week or so. John Terry really is an incredible douchenozzle isn’t he? If you have any pics that prove the evil coward that is JT has been playing away, please send them in and we’ll post them up here. Especially if you suspect John Terry may be in fact your dad.

Meanwhile, be careful out there…especially if you’re John Terry…